Why is history the fruitiest subject at school?

It’s full of dates.

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Why did the history teacher not go to the party?

He couldn’t find a date.

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Teacher: Why is your history homework in your father's writing?

Pupil: Because I used his pen.

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Pupil: Sir, sir, I haven't done my history homework.

Teacher: Don’t worry about it, it’s all in the past.

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Why did the pupil miss his history exam?

He had the wrong date.

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I wish I had been born 1000 years ago.

Just think of all the history I wouldn’t have had to learn!

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Why didn't Napoleon like to go out if it was windy?

In case he was blown apart. (Bonaparte… geddit? No? Oh, never mind!)

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Why did the one-handed pirate cross the road?

He wanted to get to the second-hand shop.

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Why did the pirate need some soap?

To wash himself ashore.

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What do you call a pirate with four eyes?

A piiiirate.

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